Listening well is a critically important life and ministry skill. Developing it
will help us with all our relationships. In order to grow in this area, becoming aware
of good and poor listening habits is a great place to start.
Practice the habits of good listeners.
• Ask thoughtful questions about what others say.
“How did you feel when that happened?”
• Show interest.
“That’s really interesting.” “Tell me more.”
• Ask followup questions.
“For you, what was the best part of that experience?”
• Show they are listening, but without making distracting sounds
Listening well will help your spiritual conversations.
A great place to start is to listen to someone’s spiritual story. Ask something like:
• “What’s your spiritual story?”
• “What influences and events have shaped how you view spiritual things?”
• “Why do you think we’re here? What do you think is the purpose and meaning of life?”
Ask follow up questions to listen more, instead of adding your thoughts. A few examples are:
• “Tell me more about that.”
• “How did that experience influence how you viewed God?”
• “What were you hoping to discover?”
• “Have you ever sensed that God was trying to get your attention or wanted to communicate something to you?”
• “Have you ever had what might be called a spiritual experience?”
• “How has God been working in your life?”
• “How did you come to know God?”
• “If you could do anything without worrying about money or other people’s opinions, what would you do?”
• “What kind of activities refresh your soul?”
• “If God could do one thing for you, what would that be?”
Poor listeners:
• Change the subject away from whatever the other person is talking about.
• Bring the conversation back to themselves.
• Don’t ask follow-up questions.
• Begin to talk about similar events in their past.
• Interrogate the people they talk to.
• Start thinking about how to respond before others are finished talking.
• Don’t show interest in the conversation or the person they are listening to.
• Get distracted by their phone or some other screen.
• Don’t make appropriate eye contact.
• Share their unsolicited advice or opinions.
• Make distracting “listening” sounds: “A-huh, a-huh, ya, ya, a-huh, ya, ya…”
• Start talking before others have finished what they were saying.
• Have negative non-verbals: arms crossed, head down, frowning, etc.
